Like a lot of little girls, I was raised on the princess
ideal. For a long time (possibly until
this year), I thought that eventually the perfect Prince would come and sweep
me off my feet. We’d live happily ever
after, of course. But, I’ve ended up wondering
if I can sit around waiting or if I should find a way to make my own happy
ending.
A few weeks ago, I met up with my college roommate. While we both at one time could have been
voted “Most Likely to Be a Disney Princess,” we are both living seemingly the
opposite life that we had envisioned. At
almost 30, she is an Officer in the Army, living as a high ranking woman in a
man’s world, while I am living with my parents, working a part-time job with a
Masters degree. And though we surely
have a lot to be thankful for, we found ourselves in a discussion about
family. As if she was viewing a window into
my soul, she said, “I just can’t believe where I’m at right now. I thought I’d have a couple kids by
now.” While I emphatically nodded my
tiara-less head, I wondered if these dreams had been holding us back from
appreciating and experiencing life.
I’ve often thought about writing a book about dating and
challenging myself. In said book, I
would go out on one date a week. I’d
learn all kinds of things about myself, and in the end, I’d be happy with my
own life and also, find the man of my dreams.
But, this diary won’t be about that for two reasons. For one, I’m realizing that I’ve been trying
that method all along and I don’t seem to be any happier AND I’m still
alone. And also, I’m in the driest dry
spell of my life and I’m not sure I could come up with a date in the next SIX
MONTHS, let alone in the next week.
So instead, I’d like to use this project to NOT make dating
a priority in the next year. However, in
all honesty, I’m no Mother Theresa (although I hope to be closer by the end of
this journey!), so I can make no promises that I will exercise self-control and
turn down any man that crosses my path.
You can all hope that fate smiles (frowns?) upon this mission, and no
man comes along this year. (And hey, so
maybe I’m not hoping for the same thing, but I just decided TODAY that this
path was necessary, and I’m still not entirely sure I want to commit to being
alone until the big 3-0 birthday!)
I turned 29 about a month ago, and while my birthday is
usually met with a wave of anxiety and depression at not being where I thought
I’d be at said age, this year was different.
I had decided a few weeks before my birthday that this year, I’d make my
own rules. Charge forward with this
project in the spirit of adventure and discovery. I quickly realized that I had no real
financial backing for this project, so the rhinoceros charge towards life that
I had imagined would be more like an antelope’s first steps after birth, but
still, I was excited.
I’ve spent the majority of the past 29 years alone, but I
guess that shouldn’t be a big surprise considering I was a child for most of
it. It seems a little more unique that
here, at 29 years old, I am still alone, when just about everyone I know is
settled down, or beginning to settle down with their “person.” (So yes,
friends, I endorse and support your current relationships, you’re
welcome.) This plan all began because I
am alone, but as I told my friends excitedly about my plans, I realized I wasn’t
truly alone. Many of you have jumped
aboard hoping to experience some of my small adventures with me. Even when I am down about feeling “alone,” I
know that I am truly blessed to have my family and friends there for me. Please remember that if my bitter, snarky
side shines through in this journal.
So, while everyone I currently know is busy enjoying their
lives with their boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/partner, I will spend this
year learning how to really love me. I
will challenge myself in some small way and share my thoughts here. You may not find every challenge or adventure
to be particularly brave of me, but I think it’s at least mildly brave to go
against the grain of every fairy tale perpetually reinforced by our society and
my overactive romantic brain. I also
pledge to provide evidence in the form of lengthy descriptions or pictures
where appropriate, when my adventures crash and burn in embarrassing and funny
ways. Based on my 29 years thus far,
this should be promising enough for you to stay tuned.
So here we go… on the road to self-actualization and
self-love, all before my 30th birthday. Suggestions for more challenges welcome….
